For many years global climate scientists have been trying to figure out what is making the Arctic Glaciers shrink at an ever increasing rate.

But now Professor I. B. Klever of Silicon Valley’s prestigious Klever Research Institute has found what may be the answer.

According to Professor Klever, a Chinese glacier ice cartel has been secretly harvesting glacial ice and processing and distributing the ice from abandoned farmhouses in Maine. Local law enforcement officials know about at least 160 such farmhouses in Maine. Two have been raided but by the time the officers arrived at them the glacial ice had disappeared. Coincidence? We think not!

The clandestine cartel has discovered a way of selling the ice “in plain sight” at hundreds of locations throughout the state in specially designed local storage units which you might ordinarily walk right by. But don’t be tempted. Glacial ice has been suspected of being a stepping stone drug, starting at simple Slurpees or iced soft soft drinks but rapidly escalating to hard core Margaretas and Pina Colatas. You’ve been warned!